I Kiss The Morning Goodbye/Twelve

The following morning came early, and, I had to struggle to motivate myself to get ready for work. I had to be at the track, and, it was pouring rain outside. Fortunately, dad had the coffee on by the time I crawled out of bed. Dad generally dropped me off at the track at five in the morning, and, came to take me to school a few hours later, since his office was near the track.
On the way to the track, above the sound of the wind shield wipers, my father tried to make conversation. My father and I had an uneasy relationship, troubled by the fact that he didn’t approve of my involvement in the horse business, for a number of reasons. Unfortunately, my mother didn’t approve of my involvement in anything but the horse business, so, for years, I had been in a rather impossible situation. Personally, I was tired, and, trying, in my own way, to rebel against my mother. The lure of teenage life was gaining power over my fear of disappointing my mother, and, I had tired of having my heart broken every year or so by the sale of a much loved horse.
Truthfully, the horses were my friends. I’d have been happy if we had stuck with the small band of rag tag horses I was born into. Though I had been competing in horse related events since I was four, I actually hated competition of any kind, and, even going to the shows had always been a source of mild terror for me. I’d have been much happier working behind the scenes, as I was now, training and acting as a groom, rather than competing.
My work at the track was something a bit different. I had been working there, in one form or another, off and on for a number of years. Many of the folks in the quarter horse community also had ties to thoroughbred racing, so, there was always someone needing help. Currently, I was working for the track vet and another young trainer galloping and breezing colts. This meant I had to be at the track no later than five a.m. I actually enjoyed this. I had grown up seeing thoroughbred racing as a hugely romantic industry, spurred on by the writing of folks like Marguerite Henry, and, the legend of horses such as Seabiscuit, Ruffian and Man O’War. They were my heroes, growing up. Being able to bend myself over the neck of a colt, speeding down the track, with his great, body wrenching strides, was a thrill that never got old. Sometimes, I would even close my eyes, feel the wind in my face, and, pretend I was not breezing a two year old, but, racing the Great Man O’War…

And, well, we owed the veterinarian money—we always did. He was a friend of the family, and, had always been kind enough to let me, “work off,” our family bills. He had a small string of colts he trained for some hobby clients, which I rode for him.
So, my poor father was forced to consent to this thrice weekly inconvenience, along with the rather distasteful idea of my hanging out with folks he thought were less than…stand up citizens.
Dad was asking me about my work, who I was riding, who they were related to(my dad got a kick out of hearing about how this colt was related so Secretariat, or, that one, an own daughter of Seattle Slew), and, I, of course, was thinking about Tim, so, wasn’t very responsive to my dad’s attempts at conversation. Dad then asked me about Tim. He wanted to know about Tim’s background, etc, and, what our plans were. Plans? I told him that Tim was the son of a legend, and, had moved here to get away from that legend. I told him every innocuous fact about Tim I could think of, and, I learned that Tim and my dad had spent a bit more time talking than I had realized. I also learned that my dad had gotten a call on Sunday morning from Wayne Jordan, confirming that he was, in fact, aware of my relationship with Tim. Why hadn’t Tim told me any of this? I was sick with embarrassment, and, could barely say another word to my well meaning father. We pulled into Aksarben, and, I got out into the rain and made my way to the bit of light I could see glowing a short distance away.

I had finished up the last horse(a filly, who was rather impressive during her first official breeze), and, was taking her the long way back to the barn, despite the rain, which had let up a bit, and, was really just a fine mist, however, I was soaked to the skin. Rain even dripped from the brim of my baseball cap as I walked the filly on a loose rein. The robins were singing loudly around me, and, I was surrounded by the familiar smell of mud and horses. My body still tingled in spots from Tim’s body, and, I sighed, realizing that, for the moment, life was good. There was very strict track protocol, which I normally followed, however, by exiting the track via a break in the rail, and, avoiding the tunnel, I was violating the protocol, which I seldom did. I just needed a quiet moment with which to enjoy the morning, and, there weren’t many folks standing about this morning. I wondered if the guys in the booth had noticed. The gap man simply waved to me, so, I knew I wasn’t in trouble, there.

As I rode around to the side of the barn where the filly’s stall was, I noticed a tall figure standing with the rest of the men. Tim!! What was he doing here? I pulled the filly up, stopping in front of the guys, uncertain what to do. I supposed he was there to pick me up, but, wasn’t certain. He tipped his hat at me, grinning, and, let his eyes wander boldly over my soggily clad body. His eyes lingered on the thick mud which caked my legs, from the boots up. He stepped up and grabbed the filly’s bridle as I swung my leg around to slide off. She was a tall girl, and, the slide to the ground ended with a bit of a thump, partially because of my weakened knees, caused by the lusty perusal of my cowboy. Normally, he’d have helped me down, however, this filly was young, and, only partially broke, so that she may have objected to him at her side. I was grateful for his discretion, but, very uncomfortable with his presence, here. I was worried that Burton and the other trainers would think I was bringing my personal life to work, though, I really needn’t have worried, for they were all smiling, and, seemed happy to have him there. And, it seemed he already knew all of them by name. Did he know everyone?

I took the filly’s reins from him, and, looked up into his face, smiling with exquisite shyness. “What are you doing here?” I asked, as we turned to take the filly back to her stall. “I told your dad I would come and get you when I could. Today, I could,” he replied, simply. I wondered if I should tell him about the conversation I’d had with my father. “Does my dad know?” “Yeah, he gave me his pager number awhile back,” he said, grinning. “So, you and my dad are soulmates, now?” I wondered. He laughed. “Not exactly, darlin’. Yer dad’s a nice man, though. I like him.” Everybody liked my dad, I thought, with some resentment.

I held the filly with one hand, as I took off her saddle, un-wrapped her legs, and, toweled her off. I handed Tim her reins, as I bent back down to rub down her legs. Tim noted, “You are soaking wet! You got any dry clothes to change in to?” I said, over my shoulder, “No. This is it! Bad enough I have to take my saddle into school.” Burton, the vet, had joined us, and, knelt down with me to work on the filly’s legs. Burton was a handsome man, almost as tall as Tim, with merry, smiling blue eyes, and, an exceptionally laid back nature. He asked Tim, “You here to check up on your gal?” I stood up and smiled at him, pleased that he had called me, Tim's," Gal.” Burton added, still looking at me,”I keep a pretty good eye on her, down here.” Tim laughed, “Yeah, I bet you try real hard to keep her away from cowboys like me,” he said, rather sheepishly. Burton nodded. “Yep,” was all he said.

I put the filly away as Tim chatted with everyone. Her stall was right in front of where they were standing, so, I had to move them aside as I put her away. I couldn’t resist planting a juicy kiss on her pink nose, and, Burton, observing, said, “I gotta keep yer little gal from turning them all into pets. Damn, she’s got one colt letting her lead him around by the forelock.” They all laughed at this. I said, somewhat defensively, “Hey, weren’t you able to worm him without using a twitch?” Burton nodded, and, his eyes crinkled up into merry little slits in his bearded face.
Tim bent to pick up my saddle, and, grabbed my hand. “I gotta get her to school. I’ll catch ya’ll later!” he said, leading me away from them, toward his pickup. My, were we ever in a hurry! I hadn’t realized I was finished working…but, I ran to keep up, anyhow!

As we pulled out on the road, heading back toward home, Tim wanted to know what time I had to be at school. I had study hall my first two periods, and, had a work release, so that I didn’t have to be at school until ten. It was eight o'clock. I knew what he was thinking, and, felt a shiver of excitement, as I sat next to him in my soaked clothing. “What time do you have to be back at work,” I wondered. He looked down at me, grinning. “Why? Got plans for me?” He wanted to know. “I was just wondering,” I said, embarrassed. It seemed that I could not meet his gaze without thinking of all things he had done to my body over the last few days, which was, all at once, thrilling, and, embarrassing. So, I stared at my hands, which were in my lap. “Well, “he confessed, “I did take a shower, before coming to get you.” I stuck my leg out, to show him that my jeans were caked with mud. I had mud everywhere, even on my face. “And, you were gonna go to school like that?” he asked, chuckling. “Yep. Dad doesn’t have time to take me home, first, so, I always go to school right from work. Of course, I don’t always get this dirty.” “Well, I gotta tell you, as filthy as you are, you still look like a little movie star. My little Movie Star Cowgirl,” he said softly. I looked up at him, then, and, put my small hand on his thin wrist. “Thank you,” I said softly, not really believing him, but, pleased, nonetheless.
On the way home, Tim pulled off the highway into a place I knew to be owned by Harry Farnam at one time, a wealthy, local businessman, but, was now all but abandoned. He pulled around behind the main house, and, up to a tiny white cottage with little green shutters that I hadn’t realized was there. Thick, giant evergreens surrounded the main house. I looked at him as he turned off the pickup. “Your present,” he said, grinning. I wondered what on earth he was talking about. “I got a new house! One where we can be alone, sometimes,” he added, quite pleased with himself. “Really?” I asked, not certain if he was serious. “This is where Jerry lives. He’s hardly ever here, so, he moved into the basement, and, I’ve got his room,” he explained. “This all happened since last night?” I wanted to know. I wondered how on earth he’d arranged all of this. “Well, I ain’t got a lot of stuff to move, and, Jerry moved all his stuff downstairs awhile back, so, there was an empty room, anyhow. I just moved in. This morning.” I was so surprised. I wondered if he had done this for me?

He opened his door and leaped out of the pickup, grabbing my hand to help me down. I had gotten in the habit of getting out on the driver’s side. He then picked me up and carried me inside, and, right into the bedroom. I could hear the rain beginning to fall again, on the roof, as my Cowboy peeled the soaked, muddy clothing from my body until I lie nude, before his searching gaze. He stood next to the bed and just looked at me, for a few moments. He suddenly seemed very serious, and, somehow, intimidating. “Damn if you ain’t the prettiest little thing, “ he said softly, before kneeling on the floor, next to the bed, and, reaching out to grab my feet., and, pulling me around to face him. I rose up onto my elbows, and met his eyes, saying, again, “Why, thank you.” My body tingled all over, and, my heart kept skipping a beat, or two, as our gazes held. . “Hey,” I wondered, aloud, self-conscious, “How come I am always completely naked and, you always have all your clothes on?” “Because, between the two of us, you got the much better naked,” he said, lifting my feet and placing one on each of his shoulders, “Ah, yeah, you got the much better naked,” he murmured, his voice muffled, and, I flopped my head back on the bed, and, covered my face with my arm.

Afterward, I lie in his arms, against his warm body, and, listened to the rain on the roof. There were no curtains on any of the windows, and, I stared out into the rain. “I don’t want to go to school,” I said, softly. I wanted to stay in his arms, in his new little haven, forever. I could not imagine going to school, into the harsh, fluorescent lights, with its chemical, school smell, and, all the strangers therein. “I don’t want you to leave, either, darlin’, but, your dad trusted me to get his baby girl to school, and, that’s what I gotta do,” he said, very softly. He then stood up, pulled on his pants, and, went to the dresser, and, began searching through the drawers. He pulled out a pair of pants, then grabbed my muddy jeans from the floor, “I’ll be right back,” he said, and, disappeared from the bedroom. Well. He had my pants, and, I was loathe to put on my wet shirt, so, I wrapped myself in a blanket that was on the foot of the bed, and, snuggled back down, hoping he’d change his mind about taking me to school.

Tim returned a few minutes later, looking very pleased with himself. “Here, try these on,” he said, handing me a pair of jeans. I noticed that the bottoms had been freshly cut. I looked at the jeans, dubiously. Tim was so thin; I couldn’t imagine that his jeans would fit me. “Try em’!” he ordered, so, I dropped my blanket and swung my legs around to the floor. I pulled the jeans on, and, they fit perfectly! They were a little loose, however, that is how I preferred to wear mine, though, the style at the time was for girls to wear skin tight jeans. He had even got the length right. I guessed he had used my muddy, wet jeans to measure. I smiled at him, pleased that he had sacrificed a pair of pants on my behalf. I spun around in front of him, forgetting that I was topless. He whistled his approval, “Well, they don’t look like that on me!” he said softly, his blue eyes twinkling. He bent down to kiss my nipple, and, handed me a shirt. “Better cover them titties up before we go,” he said. I did as he suggested, before sitting on the bed to shove my bare feet gingerly into wet boots. My socks were soaked, and, I could not bring myself to put them on. "Your little tootsies are gonna get cold, darlin'," he said. "Not much I can do about that, Tim," I replied cheerfully. "You can leave your saddle in my pickup," he offered. I was grateful for this, as my saddle was soaking wet, and, when I brought it to school, I had to take it to the office for storage.
Reality was slowly creeping back into my mind, as we stepped back out into the rain and got into the pickup. The wind shield wipers sounded harsh and loud, and, the familiar sick, uncomfortable feeling I always got before school was washing over me. I was so overcome with this, and, with embarassment over what had occurred, only moments before, in Tim's bedroom, that I could not speak. Tim didn't say anything, either, and, we rode to school in silence. As Tim pulled up in front of my school, I risked a glance at his face. He was looking at me, without smiling, and, I sensed something wasn't quite right with him. He got out to let me out, and, I stood in front of him, for a moment, waiting for him to kiss me. He did not. Instead, he said, "Off to school, kiddo," and patted me on the bottom.

Off to school, kiddo? Not what I had hoped to hear from him. I walked away, in the rain, toward the school, feeling dismayed, a bit frightened, and, uncertain. I did not look back.