Kissing Is Good/Chapter 7

On the way to the party, the three of us shared a joint, and, consequently, took a couple of wrong turns because I wasn’t paying attention, and, Tim just kept driving along, as if he knew where he was going. When I’d ask him why he’d turned left, he’d say, “Well, you didn’t tell me to turn right!” We all giggled uproariously at this.

There were a great deal more people at Frank’s house than I’d anticipated, and, we ended up parking behind one of the barns in an area I wasn’t familiar with. It was pitch black, and, as we walked in the darkness, I fell headfirst into a ditch. Tim said I was talking away, chirpitty chirp chirp chirp, and, suddenly, silence. That’s how he knew I’d fallen. That is how he would later tell the story, anyhow.
What I recall is that I was walking along, in the pitch black, and, the ground just disappeared. The next thing I remember is Tim sticking a hand down to pull me out, and, saying, “I knew them shoes was gonna be trouble, Cowgirl.” He then picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, carrying me the rest of the way. I was humiliated, and, strangely, thrilled, though his boney shoulder dug painfully into my belly as I watched the ground bump along…

It was hard to immediately identify who was at the party. It was dark, with only the blue light of the pool to see by. I looked around, fuzzily, picking a few familiar faces out of the darkness after my eyes began to adjust.

Tim and JD seemed to have a good time, mostly because they were both the center of attention. After a bit of mingling, I went into the house in search of Frank, leaving Tim and JD to their fans. The evening air had grown chilly, and I sought the warmth of the house. I was also not comfortable in large crowds. Truthfully, I was actually a rather solitary individual. Years of being forced into the small spotlight of equine competition had left me with a longing for solitude and anonymity.

I found Frank in his bedroom with another family friend, Doug, watching Saturday Night Live. I joined them on the bed, as Frank tossed me a sweatshirt. Frank and Doug wanted to know all about Tim, and, most especially, if we’d, “done it,” yet. I admitted, with exquisite embarrassment that we had not. Frank then wanted to know if I was a virgin. My teenaged adventures were not something I generally shared with this group of people, yet, I did not want them thinking I was a virgin. “Not a virgin.” I stated quickly. Frank and Doug laughed, wanting more details, which I refused to provide. They knew the man who’d been the first—he was on the fringe of our circle of friends, and was one of three brothers who were very prominent members of the Quarter Horse community. He was a dazzingly handsome female magnet, whom I'd always referred to as a, "slut," and, I was embarrassed to have been one of his conquests.
I flipped the topic back to Tim, shyly admitting that I had a fairly significant crush on that cowboy. Frank wanted to know why we hadn’t done it, yet. He mentioned that Tim seemed quite smitten, even referring to me as his, “girlfriend, “ when he’d spoken to him earlier in the day. I flushed with supreme pleasure! Yet, I couldn’t really come up with an explanation as to why we had not gone all the way, yet, or, even, close to it. Frank was certain it was my age, and, like my friend Linda, felt that I would have to make the first move, so that Tim would not feel as if he was taking advantage. Hmmm. NO way on earth that was ever going to happen. Frank and Doug even tried to give me seduction advice, two gay men, on a bed, next to me, in the closeness of Frank’s bedroom. Their ideas became increasingly bizarre and pornographic, with me adding a few ridiculous ideas of my own. One of their ideas was that I just walk into his trailer, strip down, and, lie on his bed with my legs spread wide, and, wait for him to come in from work.
We were all laughing hysterically when Tim walked in. “They told me where to find you,” he said, almost apologetically. Frank and Doug fell silent, with an occasional snigger passing between them…probably feeling ashamed of themselves at the moment in light of the pornographic hilarity that had only just been interrupted by the arrival of the hapless victim of that hilarity.
I looked at Tim, feeling a little ashamed, myself, yet, still giggling.. “I kept waiting for you to come back. Thought you’d gone in to use the bathroom, but, you just never came back out, so, I asked around, and, they told me you were probably down here,” he explained. I crawled off the bed, and, realized I was quite drunk. I even staggered a little, and, Tim steadied me with a quick grab to my arm.. He added,” And, here, I find you, in bed with two men!” This was said with a smile, but, I could tell he thought the whole thing a bit unusual. Doug offered, “Hell, we all sleep down here most of the time!” Tim looked around, noting the numerous glasses on the bed table which still contained ice. “So, ya’ll been having come cocktails down here! You didn’t get my little filly drunk, did ya’ll?” he asked. “I’m not drunk. Maybe a little tipsy, but, not drunk!” I said defensively. Tim’s hand had slid down my arm, and, he was now holding my hand!!

Frank patted the bed, motioning to Tim, while grinning, “Why don’t you have a seat down here, and, I’ll get you a drink! What are you drinking?” Tim asked for coffee for him and me. That was fine by me, since I was still cold, even wearing Frank’s big sweatshirt and sweatpants. Tim noticed my new outfit, ”You changed yer clothes,” he said. I replied,” I was freezing!” Tim wanted to know whose clothes I was wearing, noting that they were far too large on me. I told him that they were Frank’s. I was surprised when Tim actually sat down on the bed, next to Doug, pulling me down next to him.. It struck me funny, somehow, and, I giggled. So did Doug. We had known each other a looooooong time. Frank returned shortly carrying a six pack under one arm and two cups of coffee. Such a good host!!

I suddenly realized JD wasn’t with Tim. “Where’s JD?” I wondered. Tim laughed, “We were waiting all night to see you in your bikini. Guess JD got tired of waiting. He left with some girl.” I wanted to know who he left with, but, Tim couldn’t remember her name. “So, am I going to get to see you in your bikini?” Tim asked, with an absurdly, eager, persistence. Frank asked loudly, “Haven’t you already seen her naked? Why do you need to see her in her bathing suit?” I wanted to kill him. Tim said, evenly, “No, I haven’t had the pleasure.” He added, “Shoot, now she’s all covered up, from head to toe!!” I had also borrowed a pair of Frank’s socks, though they were well hidden, as the sweat pants I was wearing covered my feet, with about six inches of extra material dragging on the floor!. Doug said, “You are never going to get her in that pool, now. She only swims when it’s about ninety degrees.” I said to Tim, “What about you? Did you get in the pool? Maybe there are some folks who wanted to see you in your swim suit.” Tim threw back his head and laughed at this, and, was joined by Frank and Doug in the laughter. “Darlin’,” he said, “Ain’t nobody wants to see this body half naked. I ain’t exactly The Hulk.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I smiled, instead, and, squeezed his hand. He looked at me for a minute, then, jumped up off the bed. “Take those clothes off, kiddo. We’re headin’ home!” Frank said, “I take it she isn’t spending the night here.” Tim looked at Frank for a minute, and replied simply, “Nope.” I took off Frank’s sweat pants and sweatshirt, along with the socks. Tim watched. I looked around for my shoes(those precious sandals), which Tim retrieved from the floor, and, we left rather abruptly.

I was shivering from the cold as we got into Tim’s pickup. Strangely, I decided to get in on his side, rather than walk around to the passenger side. I was drunk. Tim crawled in behind me, and started the pickup up. “Let’s Go!,” by the Cars was blaring in the eight track player, and, we both jumped, then started right up singing loudly along. I was always nervous when that song came on, as there was a line in it about a girl being seventeen…
Tim started the heater, and, motioned for me to slide over next to him. He rubbed my legs vigorously, trying to help me warm up, and, I giggled like a schoolgirl. I was a schoolgirl, but, giggling like one wasn’t something I normally did. I asked Tim, “So, what did you and JD do all night?” “I was bored shitless,” he said matter of factly, “Waitin’ on you to come out and show me your bikini all night, then wondering where the hell you’d got off to!” “I’m sorry!” I exclaimed. I realized I was talking in a nasally, high pitched drunk teenager voice, and, there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. “I’m just not a very social person, and, I was coooooooold!” Plus, I thought to myself, I was hoping he’d come and find me. It had taken awhile, but, my cowboy had come through for me.
Tim was doing something with my shoes…fastening them to his rear view mirror, it appeared. I laughed, and asked him what on earth he was doing! “Your little shoes are so tiny, they look like baby shoes. I thought they’d look real good hangin’ from my mirror. Plus, they got these convenient strings on ‘em!” he said, admiring his handiwork. I wasn’t certain how I felt about this. I really did love those shoes!!

I snuggled against him, on the way home, as the heater began to warm up the inside of the truck. Tim put Willie Nelson in the eight track player, and, “our,” song came on—My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys, and, he pulled over to the shoulder to kiss me, taking my jaw gently in his hand to turn my face up to him. I was in heaven. He pulled away from me, after a short time, saying, “We better git on home. I’m ain’t gonna be able to drive if we do this much longer.” I wasn’t sure what he meant by this, but, I was, nonetheless, quite pleased, and, it showed on my face. Tim chuckled softly. “You’re all smiles tonight, cowgirl. Before tonight, I wondered if you ever smiled.” “I’m drunk,” I announced, “and, I smile all the time. Maybe you’re just not paying attention.” He looked at me for a moment, then returned his attention to the road ahead. “I notice just about everything you do, little miss. You just won’t ever look at me to see that I’m watchin’ you.” He was right about that, so, I said, instead, “You’re really good at that.” “What’s that?” he wanted to know. “Kissing, “ I said, suddenly shy again. “Oh yeah?” he asked, looking at me again. “Yeah,” I replied. He was. I’d kissed two different men, and, both had been rough, shoving their tongues in my mouth, or, covering my entire face with their slobber. Tim was gentle and…not slobbery. He bent down and whispered in my hear, so that I could feel his warm breath, “I’ve been wanting to kiss you all over since I first saw you in your big white ski jacket in January.” I got weak, all over, and, couldn’t think of a single thing to say. “You scared?” he wanted to know. “Of what?” I asked, breathlessly. Willie was singing, “Momma, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys, “ in the background. Tim replied, “You scared of me?” “A little,” I admitted, surprising myself. I did not want him to know that he frightened me. The rum and cokes had loosened my tongue.