The Rookie/Part Ten

Soon, JD arrived home from his night out, smiling, and, quite drunk. I was pleased he found something to smile about in Omaha. He didn’t look surprised to see me there, and, sat down with us for a few minutes before heading off to the spare bedroom. Tim took the opportunity to encourage the other two to leave, yawning hugely and looking at his watch several times before either of them took the hint. I was somewhat reluctant for them to leave, to be truthful. I had never spent the night with a man before, and, was uncertain as to what the rules of conduct were. I was frightened of making a fool of myself. It was imperative that I retain my dignity, under the circumstances, and, sleeping in the same bed with someone I felt I barely knew definitely put my dignity at risk, as far as I was concerned. And, there was the uncertainty of what the morning would bring, which left me with a somewhat breathless, sick feeling in the pit of my belly. Visions of Tim’s imminent conversation with Wayne played their way out, through my brain, with the scenarios getting increasingly dark and dramatic. One image even included Tim being led away, forlornly, in handcuffs. I winced at the thought, and, touched Tim’s arm, whispering into his ear my request for another beer.
He got up to get me one, as Tim and Doug were saying their goodbyes. When the little metal door of the trailer closed behind them, I was left alone with Tim in the golden light of the tiny trailer. The silence was profound, and, my sense of awkwardness almost unbearable. I could not look at him, and, stared at my hands, which lie in my lap. I felt Tim sit down next to me. He handed me the beer, which I took. It was cold, as I was, and, I shivered, and, dared to look up at him. “It takes you so damned long to drink a beer, darlin’, I’m going to let you have about a fourth of it, then, we’re goin’ to bed, where it’s nice and warm. Well…it ain’t warm yet, but, it will be.” He said softly with a grin, seemingly unaware of my discomfort. I tried to return his gaze bravely, but, failed, miserably, and, my eyes returned to my lap. I guzzled the beer, with only a small grimace; however, I did gag rather dramatically, which was a clear loss of dignity on my part, and, one which my cowboy seemed to enjoy! Laughing, he took the half empty bottle from me and set it on the table, then, picked me up into his arms for our second trip down the hallway. “You keep carrying me around—I’m worried you’ll hurt your back!” I said, with genuine concern. He laughed, and, lifted me higher in his arms, burying his face in my belly. “You ain’t no bigger ‘n’ a peanut!” he exclaimed, and, set me down, carefully, onto his bed. He immediately set about removing my clothing, and, within seconds, I was naked, and, shivering. “You want me to turn the heat on?” he asked. I nodded. He left for a moment, then, returned to me. He stood at the edge of the bed, looking down at me. I resisted covering myself with my arms and hands, but, I could not meet his eyes. “Still scared of me?” he asked very softly. “No, just cold,” I lied. “And, JD’s here,” I added. He laughed, and, crawled into bed, taking my nude body into his arms. “Yer doin’ okay, for a rookie, “ he whispered in my ear. “You ready for round two?” he asked softly. “If you want,” I replied, even more softly. He pulled away from me, his blue eyes searching my face, “Now, we ain’t goin’ be doin’ this because I want to do it. You gotta want it, too.” I didn’t know how to respond. This cowboy was tough. He was waiting for an answer, and, I simply had no idea what he wanted to hear, or, how to say it. Rather than speak directly to his statement, I chose, instead, to respond to the one thing he’d said which had really gotten under my skin, “I’m not a rookie,” I said. He actually laughed at me. “Ain’t no shame in bein’ a rookie,” he said softly, “Hell, I ain’t no expert, myself.” I jumped at the opening he’d given me, and said in my most grown up tone, “You could have fooled me.” I was quite pleased with myself for coming up with that. I was unsuccessful in keeping the tiny smirk from forming around my mouth.

We did make love again, that night, and, then, he fell straight to sleep, holding me tightly the whole night. It was a long while before I drifted off, as well. I was nervous, and, also, truthfully, didn’t want to spend the time in my cowboy’s arms being unconscious.

I was awakened by a hand patting my bare bottom. The morning light was harsh through the window. I was nauseated, and, my head hurt. I had, since the age of eleven, suffered from debilitating migraine headaches, however, I didn’t want Tim knowing that about me. I hid my face in the pillow, as it dawned on me what was to happen, this morning, and, what had happened, last night. The patting persisted, becoming a bit bolder, a bit more intimate. I turned to look at him, wondering if my makeup was smudged, and, what my hair was doing. “I gotta git you home, kiddo,” he said, softly. He bent over and kissed my behind. I was absurdly embarrassed that he had seen me sleeping(naked!!!), and, I was unable to meet his eyes as I turned over to face him. “Can you hand me my clothes?” I asked in a small voice. He pointed to the bed next to me, where my clothes lie, in a pile. I was now absurdly embarrassed to dress in front of him, even though, at that moment, I lie before him naked in the bright morning light. Why was it so embarrassing to put the clothes on in front of him, when I was already completely naked? And, why, after the things he had already done to me, did it matter? I reached for my bikini top, which I put on, with a little help from The Cowboy, and, stood up on the bed to put my shorts on, wincing as I pulled them up. “You sore?” he asked gently, placing his hand lightly between my thighs. He had been watching me dress without smiling, and, I was glad to see him smiling, now, though, painfully embarrassed by his intimate question. I wondered what he was thinking. I guessed he must thinking about the conversation with Wayne that was to come, but, was afraid to mention it. He repeated his question, “You sore, darlin’?” He really wanted an answer to this question, and, I really didn’t know what to say. I was no prude, however, I feared saying anything relating to sex, as I simply wasn’t experienced enough to know when I was saying something which might give away my inexperience. “A little,” I admitted reluctantly. “I’m sorry, kiddo,” he said, with genuine regret, though I was certain I detected a minute amount of amusement in his voice. “I expect you ain’t gonna be up to ridin’ today,” he added, his blue eyes twinkling in the morning light. His hand was still between my legs. Along came the weakness in the knees, the fluttering heart, the breathlessness…familiar, now, when in the company of this cowboy.

“What time is it?” I wondered, anxious to change the subject. My voice shook just a small bit. He pulled his hand away to look at his watch, with a sigh, and replied,” Seven thirty, cowgirl.” Sunday was normally our day off. I looked up at his face, wondering what would happen, after this morning. “It’ll be okay, Rookie,” he said softly, kissing my mouth gently. I wondered what, “okay,” meant to him. “Okay,” to me, meant that he would fall madly, madly in love with me, and, that we would ride off into the sunset together, on two old horses I’d been forced to sell as a child. We’d have a half dozen boys together, and, live in the mountains of Wyoming on a small spread, where we’d be reunited with every horse we’d ever had to sell, and, care for them for the rest of their lives in the mountain air…

I had a feeling that, “okay,” had a different meaning, for him. Still, I kissed him back, and, added a kiss to his Adam’s apple as I pulled away.

We managed to get from the trailer to Tim’s truck without being detected, however, on the way down the driveway we encountered Jerry, the stallion manager, who was waving and smiling. Jerry was a very unlikely looking cowboy. He was short and brawny—weight lifting was his other hobby, and, he looked very similar to the Incredible Hulk, only…shorter. He had dark curly hair, and, was one of those really obvious chewers—one could always tell when he had chew in his mouth. He pulled next to us and stopped, rolling down his window. “Nice mirror ornament!” Jerry said, with a grin, eyeing my shoes, which were still dangling from Tim’s rear view mirror. Tim glanced at me, then, down at my bare feet, smiling. I thought he seemed a bit embarrassed. Jerry and Tim spoke about this mare and that mare, then, I heard the word, ‘Wayne,’ and saw Tim gesture toward me and, make a cutting motion across his throat. I glanced at Jerry, who was looking at me. “You causin’ trouble, Shelbo(his nickname for me)?” he asked. I flushed, and, remained silent. Jerry looked at Tim, “Wayne know she was here all night?” Tim nodded, adding, “He was knocking at my bedroom window at about eleven thirty.” Jerry made a pained whistling sound. “Damn! You are busted, old Cowboy! Robbin’ the cradle is a dangerous business!” I wanted to die at that. I put my face in my hands. Tim looped an elbow around my neck, and, pulled me close, saying. “Damn, Jer, you ain’t helpin’ with my pervert issues.” Jerry laughed, and, drove off in his big white Dually, enveloping us in a large white dust cloud as he sped away on the limestone rock.

Within ten minutes, I was tiptoeing into my parent’s home, sans my shoes, and, wearing a new/old grey sweatshirt which smelled of horses, tobacco, and, Cowboy. I slipped my hand into the pocket, and, there was a canister of Skoal ,a pack of Winston cigarettes, and a hoof pick.
Zippy, my dear little sheltie, was heartbreakingly glad to see me, and, I struggled to keep his joy in check as he leaped at me. When Zippy was happy, he barked, and, I wasn’t anxious to face anyone in my family, just yet. I felt some fairly large pangs of guilt at how easily I left such a loyal friend in the dust in favor of a skinny horse trainer.

I quickly put on my sneakers, and, Zippy and I headed out for a long walk in the morning air. I felt a moment of intense joy, in the lovely morning light, with the scent of my cowboy all around me, and, my precious little dog walking along side me.