Seduction Begins/Chapter 4

So, I happily put the sweatshirt on, and, followed him down the aisle toward where the others were standing. As it turned out, we all went out to the local greasy spoon, rather than him taking me straight home. We had a good time, and, Tim got an earful of stories about me, as told to him by some cowboys that had watched me grow up, and, whom I had grown up with, in the Quarter Horse business. For a time, I forgot about my breasts, my made up face...I was just myself, with these men, and, very glad for the sweatshirt Tim had given me. I was especially pleased when Tim ordered me a beer, and, paid my bill. I often went along on these little excursions without a single penny in my pocket. And, I was pleased that he remembered what sort of beer to order me, and, that he hadn't seemed concerned about my age.
A bit later, he took me home, and, unfortunately, came in to talk to my family. We were crowded into a tiny condo, while waiting for our farmhouse to be refurbished. Everyone(my mother, father, brother and sister) was up, and, it seemed far too intimate a setting. I don't recall ever discussing our farm, with Tim. I wonder if he thought it strange that we were all crowded into such a tiny living space!!
My family was very troubled, very fractured...I was uncomfortable around them, period. Having this impossibly tall cowboy, with his heavy cowboy accent, standing in the tiny living room, surrounded by people I knew, yet, didn't know, seemed surreal. I wasn't even technically allowed to date, at that point, and, the boys that I had, "dated," never came in to see my folks. Most of my, "dates," had been accomplished via sneaking out, or, the making of complex plans which involved a great deal of lying. And, it wasn't as if my parents were particularly protective of me. It was a stranger situation than that. My mother had psychological problems, and, part of that manifested itself in the keeping away of anyone not involved in the horse industry. It had always been thus.
Embarrassingly, my little sister was cantering around the floor on her hands and knees, in her underwear, while he was there. I hissed at her, crossly, "Mary, stop doing that." Tim looked at me, and, asked," You didn't do that when you were her age?" And, he asked my sister, " So, what's your name horsey?" My sister replied, "Ruffian." Tim nodded in satisfaction. So, my sister cantered on...
The next morning, at the barn, I found Tim down in the outdoor arena, roping. I was too shy to approach him, so, I returned to the main barn, and, rode my colts. Tim came in after an hour or so, leading a young mare who was, later, to become quite famous: Smokey Red Lady. He tipped his hat to me, without smiling, and, went about hosing Lady off. My heart sank. He hadn't even spoken to me. His friend, and, my friend, Doug, the veterinarian's son, drove up, after a time, to take me to school, and, Tim went out to talk to him. I was embarassed, doubly, because, with the arrival of Doug, and, the conversation that likely followed, Tim must, now, know that I was only a junior in high school. I got in the pickup, while they were talking, and, Tim did glance at me, dipping his head down, his blue eyes bright in the morning light. I realized that his eyes were the loveliest shade of blue...rather like a dark denim. My heart fluttered as I recalled his hand on my breast the night before, his lips against mine...
That evening, I took special care in getting ready to return to the barn. I went from a friend's house, and, we had a few beers while fixing me up(it would take some practice for me to get the makeup and hair down), so, I was a bit tipsy when I arrived. But, I looked smashing! This time, Tim was waiting for me, and, was smiling as I got out of the car. I had proper shoes on, this time, though, I hadn't a bra on(I had found a weakness, and, was determined to exploit it!!), and, he noticed that right away. His eyes lingered on my breasts as he took my saddle from me and swung it over his shoulder. As he walked ahead of me, carrying my heavy saddle(which he had, until very recently, let me carry myself), he said, over his shoulder,"We're going over to Tom and Jill's to play cards, after work." Well! "How do you know I don't have other plans?" I asked. "I already talked to your mother, Shel. The only legal plans you've got are with me," he said, flatly. I felt myself flushing with embarrassment. I fell silent, both pleased, embarrassed, and, confused. Were we going on a date? Why would he take me over to Tom and Jill's? Tom was another horse trainer, with a small spread just a few minutes from where we were. I had given Tom's sons riding lessons, and, knew him and his family very well.
Tim and I rode that night with little conversation. Just the sound of the radio playing, really, and, the sounds that horses make. I was very nervous, and, Tim seemed suddenly very...mature, and, intimidating to me. A stranger. Since all of my friends were adults, I often forgot that there was an age difference between him and I--something which he seemed to be continually aware of. Tim was twenty three, and, I, just seventeen. And, I realized that I knew very little of his dating history. I knew that he had dated a girl named Sarah, who was a former Miss Texas, for a long time, but, didn't know what ever became of her, or, them. I'd shown horses with Sarah, and, she was about Tim's age, and, I remember she was always very kind to me.
When we'd finished, Tim asked me if I wanted to come in to his trailer, to wash up before going to Tom and Jill's. I thought, in that moment, this is it. He's going to make his move. Oddly, I was both elated, and, disappointed. I was somewhat...confused about sex, during that time in my life. Sex was simply a means of gaining acceptance, for me. It didn't seem to matter whether or not I enjoyed it,or, how I felt about the person; it was just important that I do it. I had had only a couple of partners, by this time, and, both had been rather unpleasent experiences. One of them cheated on me, with a thirty year old friend of my family, and, the other was just a rushed, hushed, fumbling in the darkness experience with a musician, whom I remember only as Richie. He was blonde...and, I think he was nice. I supposed that, in order for a guy to love you, you must let him have his way with you. When you did this, he would be so overcome with passion and gratitude, he would worship you like a Goddess, and love you until The End Of Days. My two prior experiences not withstanding...
So, I went into Tim's tiny trailer, and, he showed me to the bathroom, where I washed my hands, fixed my hair, tried to wipe the dust from my mascara covered eyelashes. I brushed my teeth using his toothpaste, and, a paper towel. I noticed that, as shabby as the little trailer was, it was very clean. I came out, half expecting him to be naked on his bed...however, he was waiting, by the door. Relieved and disappointed, I followed him out, and, we drove to Tom's place.

Tom's wife, Jill, was very pretty, with glossy black hair, and, hugely pregnant. When we arrived, Jill was cooking, or, doing something in the kitchen, and, Tim gave her a big hug, from behind, and, kissed her on the cheek. I was so embarassed. Embarrassed by her pregnant belly, and, embarrassed by how comfortable Tim was with her condition. Wasn't he embarrassed? And, why was he so affectionate with her, when he would barely touch me?

Tom and Jill had one of those little diner styled booths, in their kitchen. Tim and I slid in, then, Tom and Jill slid in. Tim leaned back, spreading his long legs wide in order to keep the table from lifting up. His Wrangler clad leg pushed against mine. My heart, predictably, fluttered. He did not move his leg away from mine. We sat like this, playing Canasta(he was grudgingly impressed that he didn't need to teach me to play. Ha!) for about an hour, with me getting quite...drunk. His thin arm, occasionally, brushed against my breast, as he reached across the table. At one point, Jill and Tom left the table, and, Tim looked at my breasts, openly, and, reached out to brush a nipple with his thumb. I was, thrilled, and, felt that burning, low in my belly, as I looked up, shyly, into his face. I realized, hazily, that he was a little drunk, as well, else he'd not have been so bold. Still, it was very reassuring, and, my young heart soared. Without blinking, he said, very softly "You are going to cause me a world of hurt, little filly." I'd no idea what he meant by this, only that I was thrilled to have his rapt attention.

He drove me home, some time later. As we sat in his truck, in the darkness in front of my parent's home, he reached across and cupped my breast, and, pressed his lips against mine. He pushed his tongue between my lips, briefly, then, pulled away(though, his hand had NOT left my breast) and, said quietly, "Time for you to go in, kiddo." I turned to open the door, and, his hand slipped away from my breast. I wanted to cry. I would have been quite happy to just sit there, with his hand on my breast, for hours. And, I would have been even happier had he not called me, "kiddo."